Nigerian Tribune: Work it, Don’t Jerk It

 From my News Briefs column this issue on Eros Zine:

Nigerian Tribune: Work It, Don’t Jerk It

According to XBiz‘s Joanne Cachapero, the Nigerian Tribune came out against masturbation, warning its readers that the practice “may have potentially harmful effects on physical and mental health, many of which are much worse than the old rub about ‘going blind’ or growing hair on your palms.”

The article mentioned not only the ever-popular anxiety and depression — both of which your masturbating editor certainly does suffer from now and then — but arrested breast development in teenage girls, a malady that I’ll admit isn’t my first concern. My pendulous manboobs have definitely lost some bulk since I stopped lifting weights to watch more porn, but I wouldn’t say they’ve ever been “arrested,” much to their chagrin.

Don’t let that call into question the accuracy of the Nigerian Tribune’s claims, however; I’m not a teenage girl. XBiz quotes Bayo Omole: “Frequent masturbation, with its tendency to daydreaming, can be harmful, particularly to those who are subject to nervous depression. So, I would advise young people, especially anybody who wants to enjoy his/her life to avoid the dirty, unholy sexual habit called masturbation.”

In Nigeria, there are an estimated 2.9 million cases of HIV, or approximately 3.9% of adults 15-49. So, from one dirty, unholy, anxious, nervous, depressed and daydreaming shoegazer with arrested breast development to every Nigerian who ever lived: Jerk it.

Read the rest of the column here.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: