Halloween DVD Reviews

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In case you haven’t noticed, horror fans tend to be pervy, if strangely repressed, and for good reason: having sex gets you killed, especially if you’re 19 and frolicking with six of your BFFs on a beach that happens to be stalked by the Rotary Saw Killer you’re absolutely sure is just a dumb old story, or if you’re, say, an SM pervert who wonders why your gother-than-goth date recoiled from the garlic shrimp during that romantic dinner at Mister Won’s. Allergic? I don’t think so..

Yes, yes, having sex can get you whacked, and that’s why it rocks. Horror was the first, last, best and only refuge of a sexploitative scoundrel and/or scoundrette, until the modern porn industry came along, and now everything’s “6000-ManInterracialGangbang.com” this and “ButtLovingLibrarians.us.” that. Sure, maybe it’s more sex-positive, but where are the dismemberments? Where’s the brain-eatin’ zombies?

Horror films have a long tradition of being the dirty little secret, the expression of a nation’s most awful cravings, and hey, once you’re making a flick about chainsaw murder you may as well throw some other transgressions in there, right?

More importantly, cuddle up on the couch with one of your most vulnerable cuties and pretty soon he/she/s/he/hi/shi/si/ze/zi/I will be forthrightly glistening with a sudden rise in body temperature and/or begging to “Hold me. Just hold me. I’m frightened.” Zombie hookers devouring brains onscreen = you getting some serious boo-tay on your godawful Ikea couch, friend, and there’s no two buts about it. This list of salacious and overwrought horror flicks should give you the opportunity for a posttraumatic cuddle — if you can’t trust Eros Zine, who can you trust? You’ll thank me in the morning.

Read my Halloween DVD Reviews at Eros Zine.

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