Satisfy Me (DVD Review)

satisfyme1.jpgThe full title of this disk is “Tom Herold’s Satisfy Me: The Sexy Magazine,” and it is one of the strangest things I’ve ever seen. The back of the DVD case promises “Get a close look into the thoughts of female sexuality. These girls open up for you, tell you what they need and what they really want. Total satisfaction! Are you ready?”

Sadly, they neglect to notify the potential viewer that the girls are Eastern European and don’t speak English. They’re Czech, as it turns out, though for all I could it could have been Hungarian or Ukranian for all I know, as my command of Slavic and Finno-Urgic languages is tentative at best. Yes, yes, I said “don’t speak English,” which is really not that problematic in your standard fuck-and-suck flick but kind of becomes an issue when you try to put out an interview feature. The results are… train-wreckish.

The first interviewee, Veronica, is an 18-year-old blonde from Prague studying to be a nurse. The interviewer Karolina has the burden not only of interviewing her but of carrying both sides of their very brief conversation, as Veronica doesn’t speak English. They speak in Czech and Karolina sort of half-translates. The good news is Veronica likes the motorbike riders. Has she ever had sex with them? No, but she would like to try it….

The next girl is Jana, 19-year-old Praguian (Pragueite?) who says (in Czech) that there are a lot of nice men in the Czech Republic. Damn, that’s a relief. She likes tall men with dark hair and brown eyes. She likes sex at first a little romantic, then harder. No kidding!

The next chick, brunette Olivia, actually speaks some English, though not a whole lot of it (“Sometimes I must be domination, and position, everything.”) She does a threesome scene with a lovely woman; too bad it’s not a lovely threesome — oodles of yowling and lots of that awful tip-of-tongue kissing thing that apparently transcends the Atlantic.
Next, Karolina interviews lovely Zuzanna, a yummy freckled 21-year-old Czech from Brno. She likes the romantic sex. Has she ever tried it with a dildo? “Long and whole!” Curiouser and curiouser.

Read more at Eros Zine.

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