Mystery Reptile Dines on Golf Balls

Mystery Reptile Dines on Golf Balls

Originally uploaded by Thomas Roche

Alligator sighting in the San Francisco Bay Area!! Or caiman or something — mystery reptile. Or not, maybe, who cares?

Srsly, this is the cryptozoological moment of my pathetic East Bay life: Someone diving for golf balls (they, like, sell ’em, see?) at the municipal golf course in Fremont, California (like 30 minutes Southeast of me) saw some sort of mystery reptile in the water — "eye to eye and snout to snout," we’re told. Did the news get there in time to capture the beast on video? No, so they mocked up this plastic one so we would have a vague idea of what an alligator in water looks like. Very helpful of them.

There is craptastically dull video here from KGO Channel 7 news. The brilliant closing quote, the result of some poor mother raising a child who went to Journalism school? ‘If you’re out here on the green and you hear a golfer yell ‘fore!’ he might be referring to the number of fingers he has left on his hand.’ No really, this is my local news, people. It is kind of like seeing your Dad do the robot in public. Seriously, every time someone says to me how great it must be to live in the SF Bay Area, I am going to show them this video.

Oh, and the shark spotted at Martha’s Vineyard (where they filmed Jaws) was a hoax. maybe. Like god damned Bigfoot isn’t wandering the woods of North Georgia with the servals, getting shot at by off duty cops with thirty-ought-sixes? Srsly, KGO’s gotta make this shit up? Oh, and donate to the crypto museum, kthxbye.


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